Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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