I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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