Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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