i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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