And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
they call him Oral-B. enough said
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
