If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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