grandma shit on top of the toilet
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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