I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
