I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
