How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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