K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
