I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
