did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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