wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
what day is it and did you see me today?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
