I got chris browned last night
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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