it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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