Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
