i don't like sucking hair
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
