my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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