Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You need a sexual gate keeper
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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