just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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