Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
