I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
