If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
