can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
