i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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