They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
