saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
