Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
What did we do last night that was yellow?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
should my penis look like a turkey
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
