Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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