I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
