Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
