I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
