Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
