Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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