obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
