I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize