this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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