wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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