How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
