Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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