and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
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