i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You can't motorboat a personality
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
