I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
organizing the empties. That sober.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
