dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
