we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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