i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
