We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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