bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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