Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
