Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
the raccoons are back...
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