At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
