I wish I could teleport
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
