i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
