i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
