Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
