fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
