she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Randomize
