I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
