i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just high enough for therapy.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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