at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I want a musical about memes.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
