i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
