Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
