yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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