I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
