is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
